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I feel like crap!
Published on September 1, 2005 By EFalgui In Personal Relationships
i just broke up with my girl today. It kinda hurts since i still love her. but i just cant deal with all the paranoia! i know i did some things in the past that i shouldnt have done, things that hurt her, but ever since the day i told her i have been loyal to her. there isnt a week that she doesnt bring up my past mistakes. it got worse when i started working again. Whenever i meet a girl at work she will start this fight about me wanting to leave her for someone new.

I dont know what to do anymore, i love her, but she's bringing me closer and closer to the edge of insanit with all that she is doing. i feel like im turning into the monster she claims i am and that scares me the most. Im scared the when the im pushed off the edge i might become the person i hate, the person she alwas compares me to. The only thing i have ever wished was for me to be everything she wants me to be. i tried to be this person but she never saw the effort i that i was giving. all she could see was the mistakes i have done in the past. i know she loves me too. but she just makes it hard for me to become what she want when every day she reminds me of the past.

i dont know what to do anmore, i feel so helpless. however much i want us to be together i just cant stand it when she accuses me of thing that i didnt do. Fuck!!! i hate my life right now.

i feel so empty right now. i just broken-up with someone whom i still love. i dont think i ever felt this way before. i love her but what shes doing is killing me slowly.

Comments
on Sep 01, 2005
i feel like im turning into the monster she claims i am and that scares me the most. Im scared the when the im pushed off the edge i might become the person i hate, the person she alwas compares me to.

and as long as she keeps acting this way, that's exactly what's going to happen... that's just human nature... (studies have been done on this)...

it's just like parents who expect greatness and success from their children... they treat them accordingly, and lo and behold the child becomes successful... it's self-fulfilling prophecy, and it's very hard to avoid.

I know it's tough to deal w/, but you made the right choice... the problem here is more with her than it is you... you said yourself that you did your best. If she can't let go of the past, then you have to let go of her...

perhaps in 6 months you could try again? give her a chance to live w/o you and see if she's willing to change her ways in order to forgive, forget, and give you another fair chance... if not, then take the knowledge you've gained from this experience and make sure you don't make the same mistake w/ your next love...
on Sep 01, 2005
Yeah im still hoping... i guess ill just wait, since thats the only thing i can do.
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