1. Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver." -- by Jack Handy

2. I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. --Frank Sinatra

3. An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools. --Ernest Hemingway

4. When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. --Henny Youngman

5. 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? --Stephen Wright

6. When we drink, we get buzzed. When we get buzzed,we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven! --Brian O'Rourke

7. Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. --Benjamin Franklin

8. Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza. --Dave Barry

9. Remember "I" before "E", except in Budweiser.

10. To some it's a six-pack; to me it's a Support Group